寒...

Its... cold...

The attacks are even more frequent now... So bad, sometimes I don't even feel like moving around too much.

Sometimes I really thought I regretted making the decision to do that ACL recon operation 3 years ago.

Its... cold...

That time of the year again. The rainy seasons. It either rain non stop the whole day or the weather would be too damn cold that it makes travelling a pain, literally.

The gloomy weather seemed to me to serve as a reminder how cold reality could be. Not that I need that reminder...

Its... cold...

A friend of mine told me that when we chat over MSN... not over the weather, but about my character.

Sorry JR, I just don't seemed to have the zeal and enthusiasm to carry on with whatever is out there anymore.

Maybe I AM turning cold...

Its... cold...

Sitting in the living room, typing all this crap... Other then the distant noise of traffic along the express way there really ain't much of a sound at home. The silence is so "loud" that it is screaming at me...

Looks like I really need to go get a life before I am consumed by all this self-pitying and brooding over the unsalvageable past...

Sigh... another case of "knowing, yet not making a difference".

"Resistant to Assistance..." thats what my brother had for his MSN nick. I can identify with it now.

My apology to any readers whom I am boring by publishing the above...

But hey, isn't the blog mostly about people saying what they can't in reality, and losers like me gribing and lamenting about how f**ked we are by "Life"?

Shrug... I don't know, what I DO know now...

Its... cold...

人生...

比起在怎么捉都得不到快乐的人。。。
比起被命运玩弄，孤身作战的人。。。
比起已陷入自己内心地狱的人。。。
比起罪恶深重，却不知悔改的人。。。
比起被幸福与奇迹遗忘无数次的人。。。
比起不知不觉存活于现世的人。。。
比起没有心爱的人能和自己厮守的人。。。

你。。。

。。。难道还不觉得自己比他们幸福，快乐吗？

Let Go

Never have I been more clear about the issue, rather than holding on to a hopeless hope, wouldn't it be better to just let go of it? Rather then waiting for a miracle to happen, why not just move on with life and try to put the unhappy past behind, and search for another "miracle"?

Easier said then done...

It is indeed easier to advice others to let go of unhappy incidents and move on with life. Only when it comes to the self to deal the "killing blow", would one realised the difficulty in doing so. I finally know why a close friend of mine said I'm all talk... Looks like the "field" is indeed not a place for the faint & weak-hearted. In this case, me.

It doesn't help that I sucked big time when it comes to handling affairs of the heart.

She already made it very clear that I'm not the one she is looking for, to reinforced that point she is already attached now. Every time that she reminded me we could still be friends is like driving a stake through me... that we can only BE friends. I mean to me, she is already more then just a friend, at least to me...

If she is reading through this, I would like to apologized to her for being so cold. Every thoughts of her hurts me deep. It is closed to impossible for me to talk with her now, much less to see her face to face. I just hope that she can understand that I'm not shunning her on purpose, rather to convince myself to forget her.

Why should I still made the situation irreversible. In the worst case scenerio we can't even be friends anymore. Maybe what I'm doing is self decieving, but I would rather that she and I become strangers from now on. Perhaps by selfishly embarking on this path I can make it easier for me to bear.

I just wish she would forgive me on what I am doing and hoped that by doing so convince her to forget that unhappy incident too. But I guess I don't have to tell her that; she is not like me...