歌... (Song)

Recently came across a song by this Taiwanese host/singer/comedian 康晋荣, otherwise known as 康康 (Kang Kang)...

"Yeah" you're asking, "You mean that guy SING??"

Seriously he ain't really your "King of Chinese Pop" kinda singer... I dare say his vocals ain't even above average. Yet the weird thing is, when he started singing "live", the image of Kang Kang the comedian goes right out of the window.

My Dad said he looked... different when he sings.

He became, not the Funnyman, but the Everyday-man, someone you wouldn't take notice when he is walking along the street...

His songs (though not all written by him) reflect that personality exactly, the song of the common man.

Simple, yet full of emotion... something I can identify myself with.

Anyway back to that particular song.

Included in his latest album "管你妈妈嫁给谁" is the song "你不爱我". It is often said that one of the most difficult feat for a comedian to pull off is to perform a love song, or a tune full of melancholy. To make it even more difficult, "你不爱我" is a combo of both.

Kang Kang creates magic when belting out that song... enough said.

Did I say his vocals' below average?

You be the judge.

习惯被拒绝的人会先拒绝
这一次至少是我先说离别
有一些痛楚看不见泪水
有一种防卫叫做"我无所谓"

要让你快乐原是我的心愿
可是你从不在意我的伤悲
丢给我一些喜悦的碎屑
却带走我一切

你不爱我是我舍不得
是我不配为你再狼狈
你不爱我你真的不爱我
尽力而为我拼命给也是浪费

你不爱我是我舍不得
是我不配和命运作对
你不爱我你真的不爱我
一直以为我是后卫原来只是那后备

Shed a tear for this guy yah?

卷

Tiring...

Spending each and every day, aimlessly searching, and thinking...

For what...? Of what...?

Frankly speaking, even if I really do sit down and think about it, I may not find the answers to my questions.

Then why even bother thinking about it?

Be reminded, that "not thinking" about it, is not equivalent to "forgetting". Even "forgetting" does not seemed to be the relief.

By the way it's not that I really want to... just that there are so many issues weighing on my mind... I seemed to have already lost my sense of priority...

I don't even know if I should go through all that trouble.

Things that should be, but have been left unsettled...

Others... better to be left forgotten... but can I really forget them? (Shrug)

Before you know it, there would be more upcoming, practical issues that needs to be dealt with soon. School work, bills, appointments, etc, etc...

To quote from Bilbo Baggins of "The Lord of the Rings":

"...I felt... thin... stretched... Like butter, spread over too much bread..."

Guess that, like Bilbo, I would need to take a break... A very long "mental" holiday...

Not from my school work, not from all the daily routine...

But from all the "issues"... which in the first place may not, or should not even be there.

慢慢熬下去... 既使多疲惫...
默默等下去... 既使多无味...

闲...

You just can't get enough of primary school semester/term breaks.

The feeling I had when it was finally my semester holidays when I was in Primary school, the kind of "liberation" I felt... from books, from the bothersome teachers hounding after you for your homeworks and occasionally, from fellow students and classmates you just don't want to see. (you'll be surprised: there are many such fellas around)

Things changed, however, during secondary school.

Yeah I must be kidding right? You mean you can't get enough of Secondary school life??!!

Am I the only alien to have felt that?

It should be during my upper secondary school years. Perhaps due to the fact of REALLY mixing around in school... (no, no it's the year 1996 then --- Mixing around =/= "F**k Around...") I felt that I have finally identify myself as a part of a larger group, or putting it simply as "part of the system". Heh can't believe I actually said that, used to be such a loner in school...

The friends I made in secondary school, many (ok... actually only five) which became life-long soulmates, my first "official" girlfriend... no prizes for guessing who she is... I can say my secondary school life is really, truely, madly, deeply (eh???) one of the, if not THE happiest days of my life.

Come to think of it even the disciplinary head seemed like a fatherly figure...

Eh I think I'll take that back... he is still "Mother Hen" to me. Yeah Mr SKC, BITE ME!!

Well I have digress... Anyway precisely because it's so enjoyable being around these people that I kinda miss them when we go on holidays...

Yes, I still prefer to see this bunch of people in school... in uniforms... (Wait don't get the wrong idea... I have no particular fetish of any sort...)

Thinking back... school breaks and holidays for me now seemed to have lost its meaning. No I don't mean put me in school twenty-four-seven and I'll be a happy man. (Nuts!!) I still need a break from school work and stuff. Just that the (often) long semester breaks Polytechinics usually had is no longer appealing.

Even the one-month-plus term break that just ended had made me lethargic...

A by-product of the "Growing UP" process? The Hell would I know...

乱... (Chaos)

End of semester break... The beginning of the fourth sem.

In the blink of an eye it is already half-way through the course. Just another three semesters, counting the current one and I can finally get my diploma after all the hassle. (For the uninitiated, read the 1st post of this blog entitled "Reborn")

Provided that I don't suddenly became the most wanted man in Singapore and had to get out of the country, or that I don't do any thing crazy in school like scratching the school director's car, or that I don't get hit too badly by my so called "Angst" virus: believe me, its power will bring down Bukit Timah Hill in seconds...

In simple terms, provided if nothing goes wrong.

Now wait. Every thing IS wrong, or chaotic should be the correct word, since the beginning of the year...

Year 2005... Lunar year of the Rooster...

Didn't those so-called "Chinese Zodiac Signs Specialists" predicted a good year ahead for the Roosters? (I'm a "Rooster baby"... got prob?) Well here's one bird that will give them a run for their money. So far I think I looked more like a drowned cock... Lifeless, apparently defeated, ill-stricken, unmotivated, etc, etc... In another words, full of "Angst".

I definitely am not one of those who lament over how life sucked big time (yeah like real... ): we all have to learn to accept trials and tribulations as part of life. Called it a challenge if you will, always believing that "if there is a will, there is a way". Staying true to one's heart and conscience, even if things don't turn out the way you want it to, at least you don't have any regrets.

Be a good guy... for short.

"Good guys always finish last; The Bad guys get to bed the Prom Queen". How true, at least for now...

Whatever I did for the past ten months seemed futile. Attempting to socialised and being more friendly had me branded as being scheming and fake, while being jovial and taking part in more interactions had the effect of people not taking what I said seriously. Do I really have to go to the point of extreme for others to see the sincerity? Its tiring..

Even more so if what you did don't seemed to be appreciated by people around you.

At this darkest moments I really question my "Staying true to one's heart and conscience" way of life. Maybe I should, like those Sith lords in the Star Wars movies, "succumb to ones desire and putting self first" and join the Darkside... hehe, ok not funny. Conscience? Heh, an invention of the naive... This is one good example of how good and bad, black and white can never mixed and coexist.

The contradictions, the self pitying, the self denial, the sleepless nights for the past ten months... , the nightmares that haunts whatever sleep that I had left, bad news one after another, hopes, or even glimpse of it, shattered one by one.

Hate to admit it, after "holding the grounds" for twenty four years, maybe I'm finally losing it...

Man I really need to get the hell out of this shit hole that I've dugged so deep... and seriously hope that things would change for the better when I wake up tomorrow , that is, if I even get to sleep properly...

Just three more semesters of sanity, please...