忧... Worries...

I seemed to have a gut feeling that something very bad is coming my way. (not the smell of my feet bozo...)

Nine weeks had gone by since the start of internship/Final Year Project, and it seemed that me and my fellow intern still had so much to accomplished. Not that we would take a long time to do all the work though. But the scenario seemed all too familiar.

It would appear that we are relaxing to much. No... I don't mean SKIVING on the job; all that's designated to us had been done and are ready for perusal anyway. (Efficient! Ok?!) The correct phrase to use would be to "count leg hairs".

Problem lies here: there seemed to be no further instructions from the top (man what wrong? Is the organisation prepararing for election or something?), since 3 weeks ago. I heard everybody from every departments, from the highest achelons such as the heads and chief trainers to the lowest lowlifes (thats us...) are busy and stuff...

Well I dun see the big hoohaa like when the company is going through the audit, or the bigshots walking in and out of the normally quiet training wing office.

I mean, its just like any ordinary day... people going for teabreaks at own time, own target, 2-3 hours long lunchbreaks with "mums", spending half the day doing data entry of one personel's particular. (I realised only now that there ARE people out there in the working world who seriously need help in computing/IT skills/knowledge such as knowing the difference between the PC chassis and the Monitor...) and interns like me blogging/ reading blogs/ surfing porn/ counting leg/ c**k hairs during working hours. The best part is, we're paid...

Its like the silence before all hell breaks loose...

I think I know what to expect if things keep going this way. When the project date draws to a close, we'll burning midnight oil, or daylight oil or whatever solid, liquid, gaseous fuels 24/6 (the other 24 hour is for topping up and burning for the next week...), eyebags would appear, there would be grouchy faces all over the shop (me included, comes with free LYQ action figures... batteries sold separately) finger pointing, shirking of responsibilities, shouting contests even... (I sh*t thou not...)

That's when the whole system falls apart, and I don't think even our very own "world class" scholar created from the so-called "world class" education system can keep things together.

Amen...

Maybe some wise, 80+ old men (eh, who you thinking about?) has some solutions to all these problems.

Until then I'll just continue doing my job (if any) and when I'm free, count my leg hairs.

Returned... 返...

I seemed to have return to my post secondary school days...

The days where almost every single day is a day spend at my workplace doing things that nobody would ever appreciate (think SK...), with almost no free time during weekdays, low pay and hardly enough sleep.

The mental tireness hits me so bad that Saturday and Sundays were spend either at home counting my leg hairs or at the nearby swimming pool or basketball courts. (Yes I do mean swimming and playing basketball... else what are you thinking of... counting other people's leg hair?)

I remember those to be the days I really miss being a student.

But at least during that time the mind will still be fresh after recharging over the weekend, and the coming week would be something to look forward to.

The assets of youth. How I missed those days. That was eight years ago.

I'm now back in school, being more involved in school and class activities like never before. In case you are even wondering, I don't interact alot with my fellow classmates in the past when I'm in secondary school or when I was still taking my engineering diploma. In fact to say "don't interact alot" is an understatement. The correct word some would understand would be "Anti Social"...

Now I'm just "solitary"... still prefering to be on my own... yet would not refused to mix around with classmates or friends if necessary, unlike the past anti-social self.

Anyway I digress...

At age 24 approaching 25 I finally see age catching up with me... both mentally and physically. Don't mind me if you have heard me said it before...

My final year internship is killing me... slowly but surely... The work load (can you even call this load) is definitely less (I would even say at some point I was slacking...) then what I used to experienced when working full time, but for some reasons I seemed to be even more tired after work every day.

Just yesterday my fellow intern was asking me "Funny arh how come you look so tired these days..."

Another perm staff was asking me the same question throughout the day, with the additional:

"You sure you are alright?"

"Yah no prob, just a bit tired" would be the standard answer.

"Sure or not.. you look sick?"

I appreciate the fact that they are trying to show some concern. Thanks... Ziq and Derrick...

Maybe walking the solitary path of life all these while is finally taking it toll on me.

Crossroad

If you're thinking about that particular chapter of "Band of Brothers"... you are so wrong...

MY Crossroad...

It's less than 5 hours to my final paper for this semester, and sem 4 would have come to an end.

Time flies...

Supposely I should be either:
(1) Sleeping, or
(2) Burning midnight oil, or for that matter, twilight(I know I used the wrong word... I just thought it rhymes...) oil. Guys used to army jargons like to used the term "last burst of fire".

But here I am updating my blog, at such unearthly hours.

Whatever is in the mind of a 24 (reaching 25) year old, slightly overweight guy that prompted him to update his blog rather then doing what is more urgently at hand, you can be sure it's something of significance... at least to him.

Many things had happen... many events of varied magnitudes had come and gone, people too... Happy memories, sad ones... blah blah... I can go on for all day talking about the year 2005, my 2005...

One year has past.

In fact its been a year and 15 days. Whenever I thought about "that particular someone" for the past 380 days there would be surges of emotions going in all directions through me...(I heard people whispering "drama"...)

Yeap... the very same...

So much I wanted to say and do, so much that I wanted to let "that particular someone" know...

Not that she wouldn't already know or might give a damn, but the belief that she MIGHT be remotely interested is still alive within me.

Stuff that friends are telling me to do like "letting go" and "moving on" don't seemed to be working for me.

Perhaps I'm not working on it... or rather, do I wanna let go and move on... Sigh... It really is tough being a sucker for someone you like and would cherished or would want to cherished... Any takers for this job offer?

Likewise I really want to know how she is getting on with life... Her health, (you feeling better already?) if she's eating well, (don't eat at irregular hours... its really bad for you...) school life, (Hope your grades are back to the normal. Really hope I could help though...) club life, (Any new compositions? Any upcoming performances? Or are you already an "Alumni" like me, haha...) and relationship-wise (As always, hope you're as blissful as ever with "him"... though for some selfish reason I always hope otherwise... and hope you enjoyed V'day 2006...)

Things I never would say to her when I had the opportunity... And stuff I would never let her know... as a "friend" (Hey I don't want to be her "friend"...)

*******************************************************************************

Another year's gone...

The new year urshers in new hopes. With that enters another stage of my life.

The Crossroad again. Options are as followed: Move on... Let go...

Final answer, Move on... but only with her by my side...

So I guess in the meantime, I'll still be waiting at the Crossroad... Just in case
miracles has it and you decided to change your mind, you know where to look for
me... ^^

... Eh I think I better go study for a bit...

While waiting.

2006 两千零陆

Sometimes I wonder...

Why did I even start this blog in the first place (ok ok I know what the "smarter" readers are thinking now...) when I can't even take the slightest initiative to update it at least once every week.

My first entry for 2006 (pause for half and hour...) I seriously hope the year 2006 for me wouldn't end up like this entry.

...

...... I really have nothing to say...

Maybe I'll come back again when I'm more composed.

Still...

321 days had past...

The heart... still hurting since that fateful day.
The mind... still longing, for the apparently lost.
The will... still hoping a miracle can somehow happen.
The eyes... still filled with the agony.
The ears... still listening to the unbearable silence.
The lips... still waiting to say the things that are left un-said.
The hands... still wishing for the day it can finally hold yours.
The feet... still ready to go the distance with you, given the chance.
The ring... still bound in chains, reserved, only for you.

Finally...
The person, still dreaming this seemingly impossible dream...

Still... waiting for you.

歌... (Song)

Recently came across a song by this Taiwanese host/singer/comedian 康晋荣, otherwise known as 康康 (Kang Kang)...

"Yeah" you're asking, "You mean that guy SING??"

Seriously he ain't really your "King of Chinese Pop" kinda singer... I dare say his vocals ain't even above average. Yet the weird thing is, when he started singing "live", the image of Kang Kang the comedian goes right out of the window.

My Dad said he looked... different when he sings.

He became, not the Funnyman, but the Everyday-man, someone you wouldn't take notice when he is walking along the street...

His songs (though not all written by him) reflect that personality exactly, the song of the common man.

Simple, yet full of emotion... something I can identify myself with.

Anyway back to that particular song.

Included in his latest album "管你妈妈嫁给谁" is the song "你不爱我". It is often said that one of the most difficult feat for a comedian to pull off is to perform a love song, or a tune full of melancholy. To make it even more difficult, "你不爱我" is a combo of both.

Kang Kang creates magic when belting out that song... enough said.

Did I say his vocals' below average?

You be the judge.

习惯被拒绝的人会先拒绝
这一次至少是我先说离别
有一些痛楚看不见泪水
有一种防卫叫做"我无所谓"

要让你快乐原是我的心愿
可是你从不在意我的伤悲
丢给我一些喜悦的碎屑
却带走我一切

你不爱我是我舍不得
是我不配为你再狼狈
你不爱我你真的不爱我
尽力而为我拼命给也是浪费

你不爱我是我舍不得
是我不配和命运作对
你不爱我你真的不爱我
一直以为我是后卫原来只是那后备

Shed a tear for this guy yah?

卷

Tiring...

Spending each and every day, aimlessly searching, and thinking...

For what...? Of what...?

Frankly speaking, even if I really do sit down and think about it, I may not find the answers to my questions.

Then why even bother thinking about it?

Be reminded, that "not thinking" about it, is not equivalent to "forgetting". Even "forgetting" does not seemed to be the relief.

By the way it's not that I really want to... just that there are so many issues weighing on my mind... I seemed to have already lost my sense of priority...

I don't even know if I should go through all that trouble.

Things that should be, but have been left unsettled...

Others... better to be left forgotten... but can I really forget them? (Shrug)

Before you know it, there would be more upcoming, practical issues that needs to be dealt with soon. School work, bills, appointments, etc, etc...

To quote from Bilbo Baggins of "The Lord of the Rings":

"...I felt... thin... stretched... Like butter, spread over too much bread..."

Guess that, like Bilbo, I would need to take a break... A very long "mental" holiday...

Not from my school work, not from all the daily routine...

But from all the "issues"... which in the first place may not, or should not even be there.

慢慢熬下去... 既使多疲惫...
默默等下去... 既使多无味...